Zing:  Welcome back to the SPOT…  dot… com (  We’ve got a great feature here tonight, folks!  Right here in the SPOTSTUDIO we have… KRIS “Oh, what a relief he is!” MEDLEN!

Kris:  Uh, thanks.  What a relief?

Zing:  Haha – yeah…. Good one, Chris.  Yes, you are.

Kris:  But wha—

Zing: So now that you’ve done your time as a spot starter, do you feel you are ready to be shortened in for that crucial long-relief role?  I only ask because Fredi tells me he feels you’re ready…  I know it’s a big step.

Kris: What?  Whatever is, like, good for the team?  (<aside> Are you high?)

Zing: (What do you think?  This is the SPOT!)   … Hmmm, speaking of your home state California, smoking fatties all day in the bullpen must really give you the munchies, huh?

Kris: What?  Are you seriously asking me that?

Zing: Ha, I know. <wink wink>  When the team is down by 9 runs in late innings, and you’ve been “waiting “<wink wink> in the bullpen for that crucial call, you must really get hungry to eat up <wink> some innings, huh?  Yum yum!

Kris.  Whatever.  Whatever is like food for the team?  I mean good.  What?

Zing:  This just in!  The Braves are planning to slot you in as a long reliever AND fifth starter in order to save some cash next year!  Wow, what a smart move there!

Kris:  You’re joking, right?

Zing:  Nope!  Maybe I am.  Who knows?  I just read this stuff, Kris…

<Kris gets up to leave>

Zing:  Well, I guess the bullpen phone is ringing!

<laugh track>

Zing:  SPOT OUT!  What is the Spot?


Exciting News on Dwight Howard trade to Lakers: another Exclusive Interview with D12!

Ava: Hi everybody! Welcome to TheSpotdotcom( We’re here again with the premier center in the game today, the big guy himself, Dee-WIGHT the HOW-BEAST! HA HA!

Dwight Howard: Wait, who are you again? You’re like an ESPN channel or what?

Ava: So, how are things down in the Big O?! (heh heh) A little birdie tells me it’s showtime for you, baby! Lakers all the way!

Dwight: Well, we did make a demand for a trade. Playing for the Lakers would be cool, yeah. Nothing’s confirmed yet, though.

Ava: Can’t wait to see you take the rock from Stevie Nash and ram it in the hole!

Dwight: Steve’s a great player, no doubt—

Ava: Sorry to interrupt you big man, but we’re now getting reports that you don’t want to go to L.A.

Dwight: What?

Ava: That’s right, these are firm reports we’re getting… sounds like it’s the Rockets! Wow! Following in The Dream’s footsteps!

Dwight: But I don’t – I’m not going to Houston!

Ava: Yeah, I thought there’d be no way, too! But apparently you are. Wow. What a trade GM Daryl Morey has swung!

Dwight: I’m not going to Houston.

Ava: Sorry. You are. Wait! We’re getting a call in from someone who says he totally has the “in” on the Howard situation.

Dwight: But I’m right here!

Ava: Shhh! Caller, what’s your name and what’s the scoop!

Caller: Hey guys. Dwight Howard here. No way I’m going to the Rockets. I’m taking my talents to Brooklyn and nowhere else.

Ava: Wow! Right from the source! <points finger at camera> That’s what you pay us for, people!

Dwight: He’s not—how can he be—

Caller: That’s the straight up truth, yo.

Ava: Hold off a sec, guys—wow, what a day, news a minute—we’re getting reports from D12’s twitter, let me see if I can put it on the Big Screen… there it is!

@DwightHoward: @TheSpotdotcom, why you got that poser on there? D12 has made NO decision yet. My indecision continues.

Ava: Ohmygosh! My head is spinning!

Dwight: Wait, who are you people again?

Ava: Thanks, Dwight, for the interview—didn’t even get a chance to talk about your new crocheting hobby. Sorry! Too much news tonight!

Dwight: Croch—what… who ARE you people?!  What is the spot?

Ava: The Spot! dotcom!  Word out! (

Exclusive Interview with Josh Smith on JJ, Dwight, Marvin

Dan: Yo, J-SMOOVE! It’s DAN from theSPOTdotcom! (What’s the Spot?(tm))  Josh, looking ahead, you’re in your contract year. How are things looking in the ATL for your hometown Hawks? New GM Danny Ferry has made some good moves, huh?

Josh: Yeah, I think so. I think the team’s made a lot of progress going forward.

Dan: We got some great players back from the Nets, and now we can go after D12, too, huh?

Josh: That would be great. Who wouldn’t want to play with him?

Dan: Superman, baby! Anybody who wouldn’t want to play with him would be like totally crazy–he’s got a great team-first attitude. I interviewed him just last week, and he seemed excited about being a rich basketball player. I know you’ve had your challenges over the years…

Josh: Um, yeah, I guess I’ve had my share.

Dan: I mean, JJ with that huge contract, who does he think he is? Lebron James!?

Josh: Well…

Dan: What an asshole! I can’t believe you put up with JJ’s antics for so long. And don’t get me started on that schlub Starvin’ Marvin. That guy! We coulda had Chris Paul, for chrissake!

Josh: Well…

Dan: Well, indeed. So now that all JJ’s and Marvins’ distractions are gone, do you think you’ll be able to better concentrate on your game?

Josh: I don’t know.

Dan: I hope so, I mean, what team wouldn’t be better after getting rid of those clowns? (And getting Devin Harris back, what a steal!) Sometimes you could tell that JJ (and Marvin, too) just didn’t care about the team, right?, and they never seemed to be playing up to their vast potential…

Josh: Well, I don’t know about that. JJ’s been pretty big for us.

Dan: Yeah, but those two guys, talent-wise–through the roof! They just lacked discipline or the right attitude or something!

Josh: What?

Dan: Always mouthing off. Sulking or fighting with coaches. Turning their noses up at the dirty work of rebounds or defense. Jogging it up and down the floor…

Josh: ?

Dan: Acted like they weren’t appreciated enough or something, like they weren’t getting the respect that other players on the team were getting!

Josh: What?

Dan: Yeah, I know–I’m glad they’re gone, too. Now the Hawks will finally be awesome! You were our only good player–you always had the right attitude–and now that we got all those awesome Nets guys around you, we’ll kick ass!

Josh: Who are you? What is the spot?

Dan: See ya, Smoove! Wash it out at theSpotdotcom! I’m looking forward to seeing you out there on the court!

Dwayne Wade on getting a title

Dan: D-Wade, my man! Dan from theSPOTdotcom! Championship, baby! How does it FEEL?
Wade: Great, man! Thanks!

Dan: Lebron the KING, future hall-of-famer, finally gets his title! And you were there to witness it! Yo! <fist bump>

Wade: Um, yeah, it’s all good. He deserved it.

Dan: And let me confirm this, but you were also there when future Hall-of-famer SHAQ got his FOURTH! Damn, that’s awesome, too! How did you pull that off? Yo! <fist bump>

Wade: What?

Dan: DIESEL, baby! The original SUPERMAN flying again! And you were there to see it!

Wade: But I was MVP.

Dan: That’s nice. You know, Scottie Pippen tells me that he was also there when the magnificent AIR Jordan got his SIX titles, and last year my man the Pipster told everyone he could find that Lebron the KING is the best he’s ever seen! Better than Jordan! (God save Him!) So you must feel pretty awesome to be nearby when the KING was finally CROWNED! Witness, yo! <fist bump>

Wade: Fuck you, dude.

Dan: Thanks, D-Wade! That’s all the time we have! Dan from theSPOTdotcom, is out! Peace! “Do you know what the SPOT is?”(R)

Wade: What the fuck is the Spot?

Exclusive interview with Kevin Garnett! His comments on Ray Allen’s move

Tommi, from theSPOTdotcom®: KG! Yo, big man!

[KG turns around]

Tommi, theSPOTdotcom®: <lights>

[Bright glaring light flames in KG’s face]

KG: Argh, my eyes!

Tommi: So, big guy! Got to be proud of your man Ray at this point in his career, smelling decay and latching on to a proven winner like the King, right?

KG: Who are you?

Tommi, theSPOTdotcom®: I know, right? <laughs> Like, who are you, man! Taking your talents to South Beach, baby! Wow, smart move!

KG: Taking my… what the fuck? Fuck you!

Tommi, theSPOTdotcom®: Yeah, I know how you feel! Too bad you didn’t think of it first, though. Back to studio.

[Cut to live feed]

Dan, theSPOTdotcom®: Wow! Great interview, Tommi! Sheds a whole new light on things… hahahaha

Tommi, theSPOTdotcom®: Hahahaha.

[laugh track]

[Move camera hard right, Dan strolls in]

Dan, the®:  Here we go, to the RUNDOWN®!

[roll highlights—Ray Allen missing jump shots in 4th quarters of game; repeat frame of agonized/disappointed Celtic fans]

First off, a big congratulations to Ray Allen, the NBA’s leading 3-point shooter last season, for jumping off the sinking Celtics barge and landing on the golden rocket ship that is the Heat!  No one smells a losing cause like Ray Ray—no doubt his former teammates are applauding his savvy.  For reaction, we go to our exclusive interview with KG.

[Cut to camera, dark nightclub, shot of large gentleman from behind]

Studio Interstitial

Exclusive interview with Dwight Howard!

Dan, from theSPOTdotcom: Yo, D12! It’s DAN, from theSPOTdotcom (Wash it out at theSPOTdotcom!(tm)) So, D12, will you make the Character Move and head to your hometown team for a blowout year?

Dwight Howard: What? I don’t know what you mean, man.

Dan, theSPOTdotcom: You could play with your homeboy J-Smoove! That would be awesome!

Dwight: Who’s J-Smoove? Oh, do you mean the Hawks? Ha ha, no way, man. Not in a million years.

Dan, theSPOTdotcom: Ok! If bringing your game into the ATL is out, then, that’s because, um, it’s all about the championships for you?

Dwight: Um, yeah. That’s what I told Stan.

Dan, theSPOTdotcom: Yeah, that’s what I said! I totally agree!

Dwight: ???

Dan, theSPOTdotcom: So then you must be going to the City of Angels! SUPERMAN in the LAKESHOW! All the way, baby!! Throwing down with the Black Mamba! That would be Nashty!!

Dwight: Yeah! I mean, no. What? What the hell is the Spot?

Dan, theSPOTdotcom: Oh, you’re going to Brooklyn, then. You’re going to Brooklyn because of, bottom line, endorsements, and that’s just the fact of the matter. You early- mid- career guys are all the same.

Dwight: ?

Dan, theSPOTdotcom: Thanks, Big Fella! Check me out at! I’m out!

Dwight: Wait, dude, what is the Spot?